I recently appeared on Huffington Post Live to talk about sex after having babies. The women present for this segment were intelligent, experienced, and well-spoken. We discussed how pregnancy, the birthing process, recovery after delivery, and just “being a mom” impedes our sex lives and what we do (or could do) to make it better. During this open, honest, incredible conversation, we were all a bit… well… vulnerable to what viewers had to say. And the repercussions… well… this is why moms tell lies.
Before the conversation even started…
And in response?
Seriously people? We’re trying to talk about a serious issue, one which can lead to infidelity and divorce and this is how you choose to interact? Lovely.
Mic drop. I’m sorry, we’re scaring you by talking about our bodies and minds and how they change when we become mothers? We’re scaring you by openly talking about how we’ve worked hard to reestablish an active sex life with our husbands? I don’t believe this response is unique. It seems to me that many individuals (men, especially) run away when we talk about the evolution of woman from wife into mother and the struggles we have both physically and emotionally. Scared are you? Try alone and sexless because avoiding this issue with your woman is guaranteed to make her feel even less sexy and desirable. Feeling as though her man not only doesn’t care to know what’s going on with her but is scared of all that she is going through is not going to turn her on.
Then, when asked if those changes could make a mother resent her children or her situation, I mentioned that I had recently written a post entitled, “I Hate Being a Mom.” In return, I received a threat.
And this is why I write here. This is why I openly talk about the challenges of motherhood in a way that other mothers, feeling isolated, alone, and completely conquered, can relate to because newsflash all mothers hate being a mom sometimes! And apparently, there are those out there who think we should grin as we endure sleepless nights and destroyed wardrobes and a changed body and potential permanent chemical imbalances and the constant need to put someone (sometimes everyone) else first.
And this is why moms tell lies. This is why PPD goes undiagnosed and women kill their children. We live in a society that chooses to ignore the demons we sometimes face daily as mothers to the children we love so much but sometimes can’t stand to be around.
Please, if you don’t feel safe to express yourself at home or to a friend, come here. Here is safe, I promise. With me, and the lovely ladies who so openly shared with me, you are safe to say how you feel, what you think, and talk about the problems you have.
While I loved our discussion on HuffPost Live, I am disappointed with the comments that scrolled on by. Some were honest questions from men and women looking to participate and add to the conversation. And others? Well, I’ll let you decide…