A friend of mine recommended the Sleep Easy Solution a while back. She had used the methods on her son and said the results were great. The Sleep Easy Solution is a sleep learning that involves crying and we were against it at first. My friend who recommended it is a Child and Family Therapist and I trust and honor her opinion on a lot of things so, when Ryan and I decided we were willing to help Emma learn to soothe herself, we bought the book right away.
It all makes sense... Emma can't learn to self soothe if I'm running into her room all night long and attaching her to my breast... duh... The book is similar to the Ferber method with allowing the baby space and time to figure out how they can soothe themselves. Think about how you sleep, snuggled into a pillow? On your side? Holding your sheet just in the right way? Well, no one TOLD you how to do that, you figured it out at some point or another and everybody is different. So, by scooping Emma out of her crib at any little peep and letting her nurse back to sleep, I was telling her that she wasn't able to take care of herself and that she NEEDED me to fall back to sleep if something disturbed her during the night. Ooops.
Remember that space and time I talked about giving your kid so they can figure out how to self soothe? Well, that is a nice way of saying letting them cry it out till they figure it out : ( According to the book, we were to "check in" with Emma after 5 then 10 then 15 minutes of crying had passed. Checking in means approaching her cribside, not touching and not getting close enough that she would think we were going to pick her up, and saying encouraging, loving words. We told her she was alright, that it was time to sleep and we were very proud of her for trying to figure it out. Then, we had to leave the room... with her still crying... so.so.so hard!
The first night was rough. We drank wine and ate ice cream. We cried while she cried. I did the check in's and, after 37 minutes, she slept! All night long!
Last night, she cried for 7 minutes. Tonight, 1 minute! Not only is she going to sleep by herself, she's staying asleep by herself and, when she does wake up, she fusses for a bit but then she goes back to sleep... get this... by herself!
Naps are a little tougher but I'm so proud of her progress. I peek in on her sometimes when she's stopped crying and is quietly figuring out how to soothe herself. She's the most adorable thing as she grabs her feet and snuggles her blanket that my mother knit for her. She wiggles her body back and forth like she's nuzzling into a sandy beach and then, when I peek in later, she's passed out with arms and legs splayed out around her.
Not only has this worked for us better than we expected (and less painfully, I might add), we stopped swaddling AND stopped using the pacifier the same night we started! The book plainly states that the things I was doing to comfort her to sleep (nursing, swaddling, putting the paci back in her mouth) were keeping her from figuring out how to get herself comfy cozy and fall asleep independently. We figured, let's get it all out of the way and really get this done and tada!!! We did it!
I'm no expert on this but I can say that I am very pleased at how Emma has done and I would recommend this method to parents who have already tried other no cry solutions. Emma is happier during the day and I know it's due to her getting better sleep at night. Just look at this face!!!
I'm happy to answer questions about our experience if you have any, ask away!
YAY! Good girl Emma! I haven't read this book but this is basically what we did with G when he was 3 months (when he lost the swaddle). He still has his moments (and I have mine...when I can't stand the cry and forget to wait it out and rush in without thinking) but for the most part he's been able to soothe himself back to sleep for a good 4 months now! I hope Emma keeps it up...and you get more sleep from now on!! Yay!
ReplyDeleteWe tried this method and it seems to have really helped our son. Even his napping is much better. The problem is, he does not sleep the 11 hours, and sometimes he sleeps only 9 or 10. We have tried adjusting his bedtime earlier, but he still has early wakings. He might just not really need more than 10 hours a night, but we sure wish he would wake up a bit later. Otherwise I say, even though we started when he was 6+ months, it worked fairly well- just not the magic we thought it might be.
ReplyDeleteWe're going to try this with our 6-month-old LO this weekend, and am trying to figure out the following:
ReplyDelete- she currently uses a paci. Should I let her fall asleep with it and just not put it back in if she wakes up, or should I take it away altogether?
- she sleeps on her tummy which seems to sooth her, but sometimes rolls to her back which wakes her up. I then have to roll her back to her tummy and she goes back to sleep. When I sleep train, should I continue to put her down on her tummy and then do checkins when she rolls to her back and wakes up, or do I put her on her back and do checkins that will result when I put her down as she'll be more upset on her back than her tummy?
- her current sleep patterns aren't that bad - she wakes up 1 to 3 times a night. If more than 1, I usually don't need to feed her until her 4am waking - I just put the paci back in, roll her to her back, and she goes to sleep. For her 4am waking, I usually need to feed her. Should I do a dream feed? Should I wean her from her 4am feed, or should I just do the checkins and not worry about feeding her at all?
Thanks for the advice!
CH - Let's see...
ReplyDelete-Emma never really NEEDED a paci. She used one for a while but we decided when we got rid of the swaddle around 4.5 months to just get rid of the paci too so as not to create a dependence. I say, try it out and see what happens! If she doesn't need it to fall asleep, don't use it! If she needs it to fall asleep but not to stay asleep, no worries there! The only problem would be if you have to rush in every time it falls out of her mouth! Oh, the nightmare that would be!!
-You have to have her practice rolling back and forth during the day so it becomes second nature to her. I'd say, to make things as gentle as possible, go in and help her roll back over and give her a shush or whatever you're doing for your check-ins but try to have her do as much work as possible so you're not picking her up and putting her back down on her belly, she's doing it herself, does that make sense? Then, work with her during the daytime on rolling from back to belly and talk her through it so that, when you use the words at night, she will remember.
-I'd continue the 1 nighttime feed. It's your choice whether to do a dreamfeed or go to her when she wakes up at that time. At 6 months, it's completely normal to still be nursing once a night. Emmaline finally dropped her 1 nighttime feed around 1 year of age and it was mostly because I was pregnant and exhausted and told the husband he had to give her a sippy cup instead of the boob!! She was way less into a cup of cold milk than snuggling with mommy and she just stopped waking up! You could try that earlier (before 12 months) if you wanted to, just be sure, sure, SURE that solids are well established (getting all food groups a few times throughout the day) and she's getting enough milk during the day to meet her needs over a 24 hour period.
Hope that helps!! Good luck!!
I attempted this with my son right after he hit the four month mark a few weeks ago, but every time he settled himself to sleep, his arms would flail and jolt him awake. I only lasted one night because he cried for an hour, slept for an hour, cried for an hour and a half, slept for 45 minutes and then cried for 2 hours intermittently. Since he was used to being swaddled, I figured it was that he wasn't used to his arms having freedom, so I decided to break him of the swaddle and try again soon. Most of the experiences I've heard of have involved older babies. How old was your daughter when you started the sleep training?
ReplyDeleteHi Maire,
ReplyDeleteEmma was 6 months old when we did the Sleep Easy Solution. We broke the swaddle when she was 4.5 months old so that wasn't the issue we were dealing with. I'd say, do one or the other but not both at the same time. I know it's hard, you'll get there!!
Hi there,
DeleteI'm confused by this post. you wrote in the original post thawe stopped swaddling AND stopped using the pacifier the same night we started
You're right! It's been so long, I had forgotten! If I remember right, we TRIED to break the swaddle at 4.5 months when we tried the No Cry Sleep Solution but just couldn't do it. None of us were getting any sleep so we went back to the swaddle until we did the Sleep Easy Solution and then just tossed it altogether. ; ) Emma is now almost 2 and a half so you have to forgive me for a couple of hazy memories... especially since we're working on sleep training Belle who is now almost 9 months old and I haven't slept since she was born! haha!
DeleteThanks for sharing your experience. Is 1 nighttime feed going to confuse my 6 month old because I will be responding to his cry? Also, how do I decide which wake up time to feed him if he gets up a few times on the first night of trying this method? Thanks so much for your advice.
ReplyDeleteI had those same questions! I used the clock as my guide. If enough time had passed that Emma would reasonably be hungry, I would go to her at her first little peep. If it made no sense for her to be hungry yet (say, only 45 minutes had passed), I would do the check-in's. You have to go with your gut on this one I think. You know your kid and how they'll respond to anything you do, you know?
ReplyDeleteI have a question too! My son is 6 mo and we are trying this. I believe he still needs to eat twice at night, or about every 3-4h. If he wakes up sooner I do the checks, but what if we hit the 3h mark while doing checks.....if I feed him them I am reinforcing the crying but on the other hand I don't want him to be hungry!
ReplyDeleteGreat question! I think it would be very confusing if you had been working to get him back to sleep independently and then all of a sudden you feed him... If it were me, I'd check the time when he woke up and, if it was within an hour of when you expect to need to feed, go ahead, if that makes sense. So, if he wakes up at the 2.5 hour mark, and you think he'll need to eat at 3 hours, go ahead and feed him.
ReplyDeleteGo with your gut on it. You know him better than anybody else. I can tell you though that there's nothing worse than doubting yourself while your baby screams at you in the dark so make the choice to listen to your instinct before you even go into his room.
Good luck!!
I would like to know will it work if we are room sharing? My son is 7 week old, of course I am not doing it now, but I would like to plan it out and do it when he is 4 months old. Right now, he naps only while holding by me or my husband. And he sleeps with us in the same bed. Before he slept in his crib, but he wake up every hour, just to look for someone to soothe him back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteWe're thinking about that now too. Annabelle sleeps in a pack'n'play at the foot of our bed, mostly because we don't have a third bedroom in our apartment! Our plan is to let her cry when we first put her down for the night and treat nightwakings on a case by case basis.
DeleteWith Emma, once she was able to put herself down for the first time of the night, her wakings decreased substantially so we're hoping for the same thing this time!
Good luck!!
I also am having a problem with early morning wakenings. He has learned to self soothe and sleep most of the night but usually starts crying loudly at 530am. (this is usually about 10 hours of sleep). The book says to do the check ins and now pick him up until the 11 hour mark but that seems hard. Did you have this problem?
ReplyDeleteI've learned that often, when a baby is waking up before 6am (which is a perfectly acceptable wake up time for a baby or toddler, by the way), it's due to bedtime being too late! Sleep begets sleep and when my girls go to bed earlier, they sleep LATER!!!
DeleteI'd try slowly moving bedtime up 15 or so minutes at a time and see what happens! Maybe even try to take it all the way to 6:30 (asleep at 6:30, I mean). Give it a shot for a week and see if it helps.
If not, you may have to just stick it out and hope it's a phase (Emma is an early riser so we're often up before 6). There's always the option too, depending on your son's cognitive abilities, to get a clock with an alarm of some kind. They make toddler clocks with a light that changes color and, if he's capable of understanding you, you can say "Mommy will come in to get you if the clock is blue but if the clock is still red, you can play quietly in your crib or go back to sleep" or whatever.
Good luck!!
Does this method only work for babies 4 months old and older? My son is 9 weeks and is a screamer. I'm so desperate for relief I don't know whatbto do @ this point. The second his eyes are open he is screaming. I find myself getting more and more frustrated. We have to swaddle, binki, rock, re binki, rock, walk, bounce, re-swaddle, ..omg its exhausting and all for a 30 minute nap. Any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I wouldn't let a baby under 5/6 months cry like the Sleep Easy Solution suggests. What you're dealing with may be some medical problem though. Some babies are just fussy (Emma was!) but screaming during all awake time isn't normal. Are you breastfeeding? With my younger daughter, I had to eliminate dairy from my diet and she became a different kid! She's calm and happy now and sleeps a bit better, she was a nightmare before : (
DeleteIf he's formula fed, I'd try a different formula.
Does he nap in a carrier? Do you have a moby wrap?? When Emma was that little, I used the Moby all the time to get her to nap! I couldn't have survived her first 4 months without it!!
If all else fails, a visit to the doc to rule out something else and then try the frowned upon ways of getting a kid to sleep!! the swing, the car, whatever you have to do!!
We started this technique this week, but what about naps? My son is a great sleeper at night but only naps 45 minutes at a time during the day. When he starts crying after 45 minutes do I let him cry for another 15 minutes until 1 hour hits (while doing check ins)? Or do I just go in and get him since he's been asleep for a little while?
ReplyDeletePS: I couldn't find a direct answer to this in the book.
DeleteThis is a great question! Naps can be so hard! It depends, in my mind, on the age of the child and how much sleep they're getting in a 24 hour period. If he's more than 6 months old, I'd let him fuss for a solid 10-15 minutes to see if he puts himself back down and naps longer. Younger than that, and sleeping well at night, I'd just let it go and see if he started sleeping longer at naps on his own.
DeleteIt could also be time to adjust his daytime schedule, stretching his time between naps just a bit longer, to see if he's consolidating daytime sleep. Babies do that at different rates but you should see one nap start to kind of deteriorate when it's time to lengthen the time between naps to start phasing out one of them. Those transitions can be really hard but life gets easier and easier as you start eliminating the crazy number of naps during the day! One long naps is heaven when you finally get there!
Keep at it! And come back with questions if you have more!! Thank you for reading!
Thanks! He turns 6 months on Monday, so I will see if I can get him to go the whole hour.
DeleteDoes anyone have a toddler who is 16 months that they need to get sleeping in their cot again!!! He was great until he turned one then he started to teeth so we would take him into our bed and let him fall asleep on couch. Now he will not go to sleep in cot so we put h in after he has falling asleep but once he wakes he roars and stands upto get out!!! HELP
ReplyDeleteHere I'd use some of the No Cry Sleep Solution methods to get him back into his own bed. Calmly walk him back into his room and place him into his bed, if necessary and soothe away to get him back to sleep. He'll get there.
DeleteRip the band-aid off approach that I've heard great things about is Super Nanny's method. No talk, no eye contact, just placing the kiddo back in their bed and, if necessary, sitting in their doorway to return them back to bed when they try to escape ; )
Good luck! Emma is still in a crib so I don't have personal experience... yet!
We currently still swaddle our 5.5 month old and play the pacifier game all night long. I usually just give in and let her sleep in her swing (sometimes moving, sometimes not moving) for the rest of the night so we can both get a good chunk of sleep. She gets one 3 oz bottle during the night. Should I stop the swaddling before we start this (after the holidays). I understand giving her the paci but not reinserting it, but I am unsure about the swaddle.
ReplyDeleteIt's entirely up to you! Emma was highly dependent on the swaddle and we broke it cold turkey. I've heard of parents being successful leaving one arm free for a few nights and then both arms free for a while and then switching to a sleep sack. I didn't have the patience for that so we just stopped swaddling her one night. At 5.5 months, she should have stopped the startle reflex that would wake her up and she may suck her fingers or thumb if given the chance. Also, she may be rolling onto her belly if you don't swaddle her which would probably help her sleep longer too! Emma slept so much better when she was able to roll herself onto her belly to pass out! ; )
DeleteGood luck!!
I am interested in trying this on my 8 month old. Is it harder the older they get? Currently she wakes up around 10x a night, I think due to gas. How did your baby act at night when you had to remove dairy from your diet? Just trying to find the cause of her frequent night waking before I "train" her.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I feel your pain! The Sleep Easy Solution did not work for our younger daughter who is now 9.5 months old. After I eliminated dairy, her sleep did improve and she went from waking every 25-35 minutes all night long to sleeping for 1.5 hour stretches, on average. Now, months later, she's a determined crier who actually self-regulates (meaning she takes breaks to maintain stamina and stay awake). Also, she poops at night all the time so I can't let her cry for very long.
DeleteThat said, with your little one waking as frequently as mine was, I'd be sure you're giving her a solid 10 minutes of fussing before you go in there to "save" her. The cries may be a sleep cry or even loud sleep talking (both of my girls plus my husband PLUS myself do this!!). You want to be sure that, if you're going in there to provide even more stimulation, that she cannot get herself back down. You have to give her a chance for just a few minutes.
In terms of the dairy, sleep wasn't our only issue. She was spitting up buckets (though still gaining plenty of weight), had green, mucusy poop, and was fussy all.the.time. She was obviously uncomfortable 24 hours a day. Literally being dairy free for 24 hours changed her completely. Many have to wait weeks to see any difference but we felt like we had a different baby 2 days later.
Good luck! Let me know if there's any help I can be! Even if it's just an ear for sympathy!! I'm up with you about 6 times/night right now!
Thank you for responding so quickly. My baby is a happy baby during the day and has occasional constipation, so maybe dairy isn't the culprit of night wakenings.We cosleep right now, so it will be hard to transition but I thunk I'm ready-ask me in a week-lol! Thanks for your help :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I wish we could cosleep! Annabelle is the perfect candidate for it! She nurses to sleep easily and konks out hard laying next to me or her dad but I'M the one who can't cosleep! Seriously! I'm wide awake if my nipple is in her mouth (which means I'm not sleeping while nursing which is part of the point of cosleeping) and I get so exhausted that I'm not safe to sleep next to! When we tried cosleeping, I woke up a couple of times with my hand over her face, pushing my palm down to push up to a seated position! TWICE THAT HAPPENED! Granted, I never hurt her, she didn't even wake up... but it scared me that I was so tired I wasn't aware of her position next to me.
DeleteAnyway, does your baby eat dairy? Sometimes eating it directly is different than getting the proteins through your breast milk, if that makes sense. Eating dairy can cause gas, constipation, and excess mucus (according to some studies) which could contribute to what you're experiencing. Is she taking a probiotic? Those can be lifesavers.
Best of luck with the transition! As with everything in motherhood, it's so hard but it's only temporary!!
She doesn't eat dairy. We just started solids recently which have made her constipated unfortunately :( I did start her on a probiotic this week and I've noticed a little difference. I'm thinking about going dairy free for a couple weeks to see if it helps her sleep. The thing is she is such a happy baby during the day but at night she seems so uncomfortable. We'll figure it out one day;)
ReplyDeleteLast night we tried letting her cry in her crib for 45 min. My husband would go in periodically and rub her back. I gave in and she ended up sleeping with us. I really love cosleeping but I am a very light sleeper so everytime she moves or nurses, I'm awake