Every once in a while I feel the need to expose myself to the interwebz for who I truly am... I take that back... I'm a chronic over-sharer and you probably know more about me than you ever wanted to.
That said, today is like every other day, basically, in which I confess something horrid about myself here on my little space on the world wide web. Are you ready? Here comes my mommy confession for the day.
I hate babies.
I know, I know! I'm awful! I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve to be a mother! I feel enough internal guilt, I don't need any judgement from you because I already judge myself.... Anyway...
Okay, maybe HATE is the wrong word. I don't like babies. How's that? Less horrific?
It's true. Even my own. And I'm telling you because I'm not alone. If you're reading this and you don't like your baby, I want you to feel like you're in good company. Some of the best parents don't like babies and that's okay, even normal, if you can dare imagine that! Ever since I can remember, I haven't really been a baby person. Sure, I had baby dolls that I loved as a kid and I can remember pretending to be my hand-me-down cabbage patch kid's mommy from time to time but I NEVER oooh'd and aaah'd over other people's babies... ever. When my friends had babies or coworkers would visit during maternity leave, I was never one to coo and cuddle with the weebearn. It's just not who I am.
That's not to say I'm not maternal because I'm actually a very nurturing mother. I just don't like babies.
Recently, I was watching Oprah interview Neil Patrick Harris and his partner. Neil (who I respect as a parent) said that he didn't really "get" parenting for the first 6 to 9 months and would often hand the babies off to his partner and "go fix the crib" or something to make himself feel less ill-equipped as a parent. Well, I'm right there with ya Neil!
I hate the crying, the immobility, the lack of communication, the drooling, the spit-up, the blow-outs, the NEEDINESS of babies! I've written before about how I struggled to bond with Emma in the beginning and felt a new sense of love, adoration, and respect for her when she hit the toddler milestone. Many mothers talk about that feeling at the moment of birth but, for me, it just isn't like that.
Don't get me wrong, I do love my daughters, even the one who is presently trying to eat clumps of dog fur pulled directly out of my dog's backside, but I know I won't really like her, or like spending quality time with her, for another few months.
Bottom line, babies are hard and I'm not doing this again. I can't wait to have two little toddlers running around, chatting, singing, and getting into trouble. For me, that's so much better than the constant need for holding, shushing, nursing, rocking, night waking, and nap scheduling. I know I'm not supposed to be counting down the days of babyhood but I am. And I'm not sorry. Because I'm a great mom, despite my distaste for babies and my impatience with this stage of parenthood.
Anybody else? I know you're out there!