I got lost... in motherhood... and wifedom... and all that shit.
This pregnancy is hard. I'm tired and I have indigestion that making me nauseous all the time. I'm struggling to keep up with Emmaline's needs let alone my own and my husband's. Instead of making sure I get into bed early each night, take a shower every day (hell, brushing my teeth every morning would be nice right now), read for fun, blog regularly, eat well, and get a daily dose of yoga and meditation, I'm wrapped up in feeling exhausted and nauseous, following Emma around the house telling her to not touch things that can hurt her, shoving whatever food I can find (usually high sugar content because it's quick energy) into my face, letting the sick dog out every 45 minutes (which, in the cold is kind of a big deal with all the bundling up that must be done), preparing a semi-decent dinner each night for Ryan and me to eat once we get Emmaline to bed, and then crashing on the couch with the TV on.
It's not pretty, people. Not in the least little bit.
I realized quickly that, while I love my teeny tiny part time job in retail, my work ethic is a little high to be spending time working at the mall. I rush around helping clients, folding clothes, and breaking a sweat while coworkers gossip and then I get pissed and don't want to go anymore. So, while I love the little break I get from the demands of motherhood, it's not exactly ideal.
I'm stretched way thin here and we don't even have our second child yet!!! Being a stay at home mom is by far the hardest job I've ever had. Add to that a difficult pregnancy, financial stress and looking for actual work, a dog with an incurable condition, a toddler who is entering the terrible two's just a little early, and all the other life stresses that everyone goes through and, needless to say, I'm having a tough time.
Sorry to be a complainer. Whining doesn't really help anything, I know, but perhaps with that out of my system, I can work on making some better choices and putting myself first maybe once a day. Ya think?
