Donating Breast Milk

This post may be a trigger for anyone who has experienced the loss of a child. Please care for yourself by not reading if you may be impacted negatively.

I got a text last week informing me that some dear friends were finally adopting. After years of infertility and wait lists at adoption agencies, they were finally going to take home a baby of their own. I was so ecstatic for them but with little time or money to offer, I didn't know how to help these new parents. I offered the only thing I could think of, my breast milk.

I have an oversupply of milk and try not to pump too often so as not to stimulate more production but, let's be real here, I'm nursing an infant and a toddler all day long, what's a little pumping going to do, really? When Emma was first born, I had too much milk as well but not like now... not like leaking through bras, pads, and t-shirt every two hours too much milk... welcome to my life.

Anyway, that very night, I pumped a beautiful 5 ounces for this little bundle of so much joy that these incredible people were going to call their own. I proudly poured my liquid gold into a storage bag, something I've never done before since I pump only what I need for immediate use, labeled it, and froze it to lay nice and flat for easy storage in their freezer.

The next morning (adoption day!!), I pumped another easy 5 ounces in the morning and another 5 that afternoon. I was starting to calculate that I could comfortably offer them 15 ounces/day which could be more than half of what their baby would eat each day, at least for a little while.

Minutes after I pumped that last 5 ounces (I had brought my pump to my parents' house where the girls were spending time with their grandparents), I got another text. There was to be no baby for this couple. No adoption. Done. Not happening. A moment before, they were bringing home their baby that night and then? Then... They just weren't...

I cannot begin to imagine what my friends are feeling. We have been blessed with two relatively uneventful pregnancies that brought us two perfectly healthy little girls. My heart aches for them. I feel the utmost empathy and compassion for these people who will someday be two of the most wonderful parents I know.

And now what do I do? What can I do? I was supposed to cook them a lasagna and bring over a cooler of my milk that would reduce the risk of SIDS over 50% and virtually eliminate the risk of respiratory complications post birth. There's no lasagna made and the bags of breast milk still sit in my freezer.

So, for them, I still have hope. They'll get their baby, I know they will and, in the meantime, I'm still occasionally pumping and freezing in storage bags, neatly labeled to be given to them and their sweet little squishy baby when he or she comes along. I only hope they feel the same hope and faith that I feel on their behalf and, while I haven't told them because I really don't know what to say in a time like this, my offer will stand for as long as I have milk to give.

The Balancing Act of a Work at Home Mother

You know I stay home with my two beautiful babies but did you also know I now write full time?

I know, it's exciting and I'm so grateful to have a freelance career that I absolutely adore and cannot begin to show enough gratitude, but some days it's a struggle to keep up the balancing act! When do I find time to squeeze in a work-out? How do I negotiate time with the husband so that the babies are taken care of while I'm trying to get just one more piece published? When can I nurture my little personal space on the internet where it all started?

It's really a challenge to keep all my balls up in the air and continue to do a really good job at... well... at all my jobs! 

I've been getting better at prioritizing pretty much everything in my daily life. Taking care of my girls is at the top of the list with putting clean clothes on my body and brushing my teeth a close second. Spending any kind of quality time with the husband is at the top too, of course. Behind all that is work which has to be prioritized too in order to meet deadlines and such. I have to keep in mind that the fun stuff isn't always what I should be working on when I can steal that 20 minutes of nap time to be productive.

There have been days when I've been distant or distracted (or not even present) because of my work and that pretty much defeats the purpose of me working freelance from home. The blessing is that I know there's always at least an hour or two of good brain power left in me after the girls go to bed. As long as I'm not running late on something, I'm fine to get done what needs to be done after they're asleep. The husband is incredibly forgiving (and also grateful for the opportunities I've been given) when it comes to our evenings together and, honestly, sometimes we're too drained from our days to do more than get lost in our respective computer screens. It's real life. It happens. It's temporary.

As far as self-care goes... My brain works better when I've had a run so I do everything I can to make sure I get outside and jog three times a week. Just 30 minutes can give me the boost I need to whip through some work and get a few pages of my book done.

And also? To be completely honest? There are about three times every day when I sit Annabelle in the swing and Emmaline in front of the Lion scene in The Wizard of Oz in order to get to the end of whatever it was I started. It's only about 7 minutes but, usually, that's all I need to wrap up a loose end and feel like I'm all caught up... that is, until my phone beeps at me that another deadline is looming... that one will have to wait till bedtime.

The Week It Started Getting Easier

Ahhh...

Two under two has been tough so far, I'll be honest. Emmaline is still a really needy baby sometimes despite being 22 months old and Annabelle is still so tiny, she needs lots of attention all day long. Bottom line, neither is really safe to be unsupervised for any period of time.

This week, however, Annabelle is just over 3 months old and the heavens have parted. Anna loves looking at her sister and is able to play a bit with certain toys. Emma is fascinated by Anna and all the things she does. She also (like mommy) loves bossing everybody around and enjoys telling Anna "stop it!" when she cries. It's pretty much hilarious and I know their interactions will only get more awesome as time continues to pass.

For your viewing pleasure... a couple moments captured from the week it started getting easier...

These were taken with my phone, obvi, and our house is a mess but you get the idea...

Emma loves talking and singing to Anna and wants to lie down on the floor next to her to chat.

Sometimes it's more like putting on a show for her which is equally as funny.

Awesome.